The first words you say to a girl you’ve just met can significantly influence how she perceives you—whether she’ll consider you a creep, friend zone you, or even be open to the idea of a relationship.
Many guys struggle with knowing what to say to a girl they’ve just met. Some might talk about the weather or themselves, which can bore her, while others might flirt inappropriately, or even worse, say nothing at all and let her walk by.
Why is this so common?
Pedestalizing One of the main reasons guys struggle to talk to a girl they find attractive is that they see her as too perfect or out of their league. They pedestalize her, thinking they are not worthy of her, and feel the need for a special approach when talking to her.
This mindset, however, is flawed, and it can set you up for failure.
Pedestalizing is common Don’t feel like you’re alone in this. Every guy has been there, even the most seasoned dating coaches and pick-up artists. When you see a girl you like, it’s natural to feel anxious or awkward. But with the right mindset and strategy, you can avoid driving her away and start a meaningful conversation.
So, what should your strategy be? Here are 5 things you can say to a girl you’ve just met to help you stay calm and confident, not a nervous mess.
5 Things to Say to a Girl You Just Met
- Excuse Yourself for Interrupting Her When approaching a girl, you’re interrupting whatever she’s doing. She might be focused on an activity, in a rush, or heading somewhere. She doesn’t owe you her time, so start by acknowledging that you’re interrupting.
“Excuse me, but I just had to know…“
“I don’t mean to take up your time, but can I say something real quick?”
By admitting that you’re interrupting her day, you show respect, and she’s more likely to give you a few moments of her time.
“I want you, and I hate to want things, and I especially hate admitting I want them.” – The Coldest Girl in Cold Town by Holly Black
- Introduce Yourself It’s surprising how often guys forget to introduce themselves. Jumping straight into a conversation without saying who you are is presumptuous. Introducing yourself makes you come across as confident and ensures you make a positive first impression.
“Hi, I’m Randy. I like your coat, the color is really stunning.”
“You, I have spent my life waiting for you.” – Wicked Lovely by Melissa Marr
- Open Up About Yourself and Common Interests People are drawn to those they feel are similar to themselves. Pay attention to what the girl shares about herself, and use that to create a connection. When she mentions something you have in common, bring it up to continue the conversation.
“Wow, you love writing? What a coincidence! I have a freelance writing business.”
“Really? And thought it was weird that I would rather snack on celery sticks? So you’re not into snacks?”
“I am in love with you, and I am not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasures of saying true things!” – The Fault in Our Stars by John Green
- Compliment Her Girls appreciate sincere compliments. If you like her, there’s no reason to hold back—let her know. If you don’t compliment her, she might be confused about your interest.
Complimenting can be tricky, though, so make sure it’s genuine. Think about something unique that stands out about her, and then compliment her on that.
Here are some examples:
“You know, I really like how honest and open you are.”
“I like that you’re different.”
“Meeting you was the highlight of my day.”
“I love the way you smell (use caution with this one!).”
“I have learned so much from you today.”
“Wow! You’re really good at what you do!”
“You have such a positive energy.”
“You made me feel alive again.” – The Iron King by Julie Kagawa
- Appreciate Her Company Since this is your first meeting, keep the conversation brief. Don’t monopolize her time. Thank her for the conversation and be clear about what you enjoyed. You could also ask for her number or invite her to meet again.
“I choose you over everyone.” – Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell
The Next Step If you go on a date with her, be mindful of not falling into the friend zone. Once she starts warming up to you, let her know that you’re interested in more than just friendship. Be clear about your intentions from the start.
Avoid playing games, like waiting too long to text or calling. Be genuine and upfront about where you want the relationship to go.
In Summary… Confidence with women is something you can develop.
Don’t stress over it; that’ll only make things worse. Remember why you’re pursuing this girl in the first place — because you like her and want her to be that special someone in your life.