It’s hard to shake off the quiet shame that comes with a workplace romance gone awry. The morning after an impulsive, alcohol-fueled rendezvous, I found myself walking home alone, trying to hold onto the remnants of my dignity. The sun was shining, the streets were empty, and even though Mr. Bluebird sat on my shoulder, I was still undeniably drunk. I let myself into my apartment, showered, got ready, and pulled on my uniform – the same dress I wore the night before. Why? Because it was my work uniform, and the man I had spent the night with was my colleague.
At first, our work relationship was cold, with him being the more experienced one and me—a student just trying to earn some extra cash. But soon, casual interactions turned into flirtations. One afternoon, he slipped me his number on a piece of till paper. I didn’t call him right away, not because I was playing coy, but because I simply didn’t care. It wasn’t until weeks later that I finally dialed his number, and we ended up at a cheap bar, then a pricier one, until we were both drunk, broke, and more than a little frisky. Our night culminated in a passionate encounter at my new apartment.
For a month, these spontaneous, secretive hookups continued, all while we tried to pretend like nothing was going on during work hours. At first, we exchanged intense glances—glances that screamed “let’s continue this in the stockroom”—but over time, things became more awkward. The gossip started when I accidentally left a very visible love bite on his neck, and we both showed up to work hungover, pretending not to know where we had spent the night. It wasn’t long before I realized that I was falling for him, while he was losing interest. Eventually, during a staff night out, the truth came out—he was seeing one of the other women from work seriously. That night, I walked home in the rain, feeling dramatically alone, the song Love Is a Losing Game by Amy Winehouse echoing in my head.
Reflecting on my first work-related fling, I can’t help but feel both excited and terrified. High school relationships were so much easier. In those days, you didn’t have to worry about dealing with workplace gossip or telling someone you liked them—you just did. But adult life and work often collide, making workplace romances seem almost inevitable.
So, how should you navigate a relationship with a colleague? What’s the etiquette for workplace sex?
1. Keep It a Secret—At First
Until you’re sure that it’s more than just a casual fling, keep your romance under wraps. It’s better to keep things low-key, especially when the relationship is still in the “just sex” stage. If you start crying in the staff room, do you really want the entire office talking about it? Personally, I’d rather lie and save face.
2. Know Who You’re Sleeping With
It’s crucial to avoid sleeping with someone at work who fits certain criteria. First, don’t sleep with someone you’d only hook up with when you’re drunk or someone you’d be embarrassed to admit sleeping with. Second, steer clear of the office “player”—the one who’s known for hooking up with multiple coworkers. It’s tempting, but it can lead to unwanted complications and make you the subject of office gossip.
3. Recognize the Office Player
The office player is often charming and difficult to resist, but it’s important to recognize their behavior before you get too emotionally involved. It’s easy to mistake a casual conversation or a shared lunch break for something more serious when you’re caught up in the excitement of the moment. Take a step back, drink some coffee, and remember—it’s just work.
4. Relationships Are a Risk
At the end of the day, all relationships—whether they’re based on sex, love, or something in between—come with risks. If you’re considering a fling in the office bathroom, be prepared to face the consequences of potentially losing your job. If you’re thinking about making it official with a coworker, be ready to become the workplace’s newest “it” couple. But, if you’re unsure, it might be better to keep it simple. Go meet people at bars or cafes instead of complicating your professional life with romance. A workplace romance can be intense—you could end up spending more time with this person in a few weeks than you do with your closest friends. If that idea scares you, it’s probably a sign to walk away and find another job, as I did.
Final Thoughts: Proceed With Caution
While workplace romances can be fun and exciting, they’re not without their complications. It’s crucial to know when to keep things quiet, avoid the office player, and be prepared for the risks involved. If you’re young and unsure, it’s okay to take a step back and let things stay simple. And remember—sometimes the best relationships happen outside the office, where the stakes aren’t quite so high.