When I was in college, family gatherings were always a bit of a nightmare for me. The minute I walked in the door, I knew it was only a matter of time before one of my relatives would ask, “So, who are you dating now?” And I’d plaster on a smile, grit my teeth, and say, “Still single.”
Then came the dreaded follow-up question: “Why?”
Why am I single? Well, I guess I must be some sort of hideous, undateable monster now because I went to college, thanks for asking, Aunt Connie!
In many ways, college was the best time of my life — I just didn’t happen to date much. Maybe I set my standards too high. Maybe I wasn’t very active in clubs or parties. Or maybe it was just how things played out.
Being single isn’t always something you can control, but sometimes your own actions and attitudes can lead to it, even if you don’t realize it. If you’re stuck in the single zone, it’s worth looking at yourself with a critical eye to see if your single status is more about your own choices than anything else. Here are a few signs that you might actually be choosing to stay single, even without realizing it.
You quit or never tried online dating
Online dating has become one of the most common ways for singles to meet, but if you’re still single and you’ve never given it a shot, that’s on you. Before you decide that being single is your fate, give online dating a fair try. It’s a unique environment where people are actively looking to connect. And it works—over 34% of couples married between 2005 and 2012 met online.
I know it can be intimidating, but you can do your research, read reviews, and find a dating platform that suits you. If you’ve already tried but gave up because your inbox wasn’t flooded with matches right away, maybe it’s time to refresh your profile or try a different platform. Be proactive—sometimes a few small tweaks can make all the difference.
You dislike going out & make excuses to stay in
This one hits home for me. I’m such an introvert that I’d rather spend a Saturday night working on a 1,000-piece puzzle than go on a date. Taking care of yourself and enjoying some alone time is essential, but constantly opting for solitude over socializing isn’t the best way to meet new people. Even online daters eventually have to step outside and make real-life connections. If you’re stuck in your cozy space, you might be actively choosing to stay single, because let’s face it—your ideal match won’t be knocking at your door.
You’re married to your career & never seem to make time for dates
I see a lot of people in this situation. Successful 20-somethings and 30-somethings who’ve spent years building their careers now find themselves working through the weekends, catching up on emails, and filling their free time with professional commitments. These are often the most desirable people—financially stable, responsible, and driven—but they’ve completely neglected their personal life in pursuit of career goals.
If you find yourself constantly turning down invitations to go out or skip online dating because you’re too busy with work, it’s time to prioritize your personal life with the same commitment you give to your job. You won’t find love by accident—sometimes you have to make room for it, just like you make room for work.
You have unrealistic or impossible expectations
For a long time, I didn’t even realize why I stayed single in my early 20s. It took me a while to realize that my own unrealistic expectations were a big part of it. Growing up, I didn’t have to try very hard to get the attention of guys, and I assumed relationships would just fall into place without much effort from my end. It sounds harsh, but that’s honestly what I thought — and it kept me stuck in a single phase longer than I’d like to admit.
Having standards is important, but being so rigid about what you expect can make it impossible to get into a relationship. There’s no such thing as a perfect person, and if you wait for someone to meet your impossible checklist, you might end up alone. The key is finding balance: enough standards to protect yourself, but not so many that you push away every opportunity for love.
Did I choose to stay single? — Absolutely not! But I did make it more difficult for myself by valuing my independence above everything else. And you know what?
I don’t regret it one bit. What I regret is not owning it when my family asked me about it. If I could go back to those awkward Thanksgiving dinners, I would proudly tell my relatives, “I’m single because that’s how I like it.”